words cannot explain the amount of disdain I have for my sperm donor. i used to think he was the smartest man in the world. lol, and then slowly but surely i find out that hes just a fucking man. jeez, what a let down.
I have always been a dreamer. Forever in a constant state of thoughts of the future and ideas of what would make me a better me. And as long as I can remeber Ive always compared myself to others (I mean, who doesnt?). Its our way of measuring our rank, socially and a way to motivate ourselves. However, this never motivated me. It served as an exact opposite purpose. And I would end up depressed about my underprivaliged life, lack of friends, money, what have you. But it wasnt until I got to know one person in particular that I used to constantly compare myself to. Thats when I found out that she was miserable. I was so shocked. She seemed to have everthing together. This was such a revalation. And thats when I realised the age old saying of looks and deceit that everything became clear to me. Since then Ive tried to be content with what I have and positive things from within as a way to motivate myself. When I think back, I see that things had gotten really terrible. My life was static and meaningless. I was so busy dreaming, comparing and yearning that I never allowed myself to make my dreams come true. Now Im trying to take one day at a time, appreciate the small things that make like special and be happy :)