Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A Softer World

With my own hands trembling.
I wipe the sweat from her brown.
You dont even know how alike we are darling.
You feel alone.

Ode to Ashley.

I love you, my lost little bear.
One day you and I will be sure of ourselves.
And we will frolic, merrily, happily, shamelessly.

Did you ever feel like you were perfect on the outside?
And had wonderful ideas and a crafty mind?
But for some reason they could never manifest themselves?
I fee like that Ashely.
Do you share that with me?

You may feel abandoned, but I am always with you.
I am you. And i feel for you, and I know your pain.

Sweet Ashley, who am I trying to convince?
What do I want?
I dont know what to just get out of this country, but this world.
Give me a softer world.
One with padding on its edges.
Because I cant fall again and hurt myself.
So, its official. Im taking next semester off to work full time and settle my debts. Ive never had a job before, and Im terrified. I have this ridiculous fear of failure. Freshmen year I turned that fear into a Self_Fulfilling Prophecy and flunked out. I can't let this happen this time. It doesnt take a genius to work at Target, lol. And its ok if I mess up. Thats what training is for. I need to start looking for a job now actually. Ive been putting it off, fooling my self by staying busy with my studies. I have been doing my best this semester though. My grades may be as follows: Stats-A; Social Psyc-A; Thinking-A; Brain-A or B; German-B. Thats the best Ive ever done and Im so proud of myself. Ugh, I hate when I babble on like this. Im gonna stop right here and go on to something else.
I dont know whats going on, but lately (the past 2 months or so) I havent been moved by sound. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am in love with music, I am addicted to sound. Good sound. Pure sound. But for some reason--not anymore. I figured it was a stage i was going though; Im too busy, or too involved with Patrick, but now that things have slowed down, my music habits havent picked up. Im not worried, or even concerned. Im just waiting until it will come back to me. And i wont force myself to listen to it, because then it wouldnt be pure love. Am I making any sense? Lol, this is why I dont write. I just end up confusing myself.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ugh, I love this song. Especially done by Katie

Moon River

Last weekend was amazing. I loved waking up to his soft lips and and warm hugs. It was like falling in love all over again. I wonder what I'll get for Christmas. Maybe a freak fest? lol

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I love being suprised.

This was surprisingly amazing.

Dan in Real Life


Im so lack luster right now.

I want something to blow me away.