Summer is just about over for me and I still dont have a job. Its times like this that i feel like an absolute failure. At least when I was in school I could hide behind my studies. But now....now I feel so naked and vunerable to criticism. Im tired of making promises to myself and never caring them out. Im tired of sitting back and letting life happen to me. Ive always been a dreamer. When I was 17 I dreamt of what life would be like as a 21 year old--having my own place? own car? JOB? But none of that has happend. And even now, I imagine that 25 will be much better and miraculously my life will come together like I had always planned. Im constantly living in the future--dreaming of and better me whilst forgetting of taking care of the now. Right NOW!
Im feeling sick just thinking about it. And I cant understand whats wrong with me. Sometimes I feel like Ive lost the will to succeed. Im only 21 and Ive got nothing to show for it besides a shitty 2.6 from a 3rd rate, over priced, state university. I cant even bare to think of where Ill be 10 years from now. Shit.
Happy Easter - I wrote this 10 years ago, and didn't post it. I see why. I am not traumatized by religion. I have never had an experience within the church that turned me...
3 months ago