A sad revelation?

My heart goes out to the ones who listen to him
the ones who put so much of their faith in him.
I wish I was in that place.
That secret place, where only you can hear him.
I pretend it's not him sometimes.
I say "hello self, you know you shouldn't do that."
Why do I pretend?
Why cant I be brave?
Im so scared I'll disappoint him
More so...myslef
Sometimes I think I love myself more than I love him
Sometimes I feel obligated to love him
Because after all...He's the one keeping me from that bad place:(