Thursday, March 30, 2006


You don't know how many drafts of this email Ive written. I just counted and i must admit, its kinda embarrassing. I'm not gonna start off by saying sorry for taking so long to write this. It is only now that Ive dug through some of the things that have been holding me back in my life that allows me to say this to you. Its nothing serious really, just me rambling as usual. i only hope that you have to strength to read my words because after so long you've probably forgotten who i am.

I'm Jessica Stoudmire. I wrote to you more than a year ago asking you to be my friend. Yes, although our relationship was mostly sustained through email it helped me in so many ways. ways in which you will never know.
I looked forward to seeing you every day. I know, just like everyone else, I felt out of place, unwanted. I was just so lucky to stumble across you Mr. Vandervelde. I dunno, maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but it doesn't feel like that. You don't were my only friend at t.f. south, and i thanked god every night that he let me know you. you are not at all bitter, or a loser. You talked to me about whatever i wanted. you were clever, witty, funny, smart....hehe ( they all mean the same thing don't they?) You were so entertaining when you didn't have to be.

I honestly wrote you that letter that one day after seeing the boy with the van shoes in gym class a week before. I noticed He sat there quietly as his friends goofed off. He would laugh occasionally and might have commented a few times, but often, he was in his own world, a world I wish I could have been in. Don't worry, this wasn't a stalker sort of thing, lol. I was just so depressed, sick, and unbelievably hurt that year for some reason and you stuck out. You were the first person I wanted to know that year. I'm glad I got my chance to experience a part of you, no matter how small of a part it was. You don't realize, you saved my life that year Steve. You gave me something to look forward to each day. Thank you so much.

I have to tell you that I grew to care about you so intensely. I think I got it confused romantically, but trust me, it wasn't love. Just a genuine care for someone who wasn't family. It felt so good. Thank you for your kindness.
Ive been working so hard all year with someone who has helped me say these thanks to you and it feels so good to finally get it out.

If this email has made you uncomfortable in any way please don't worry about writing back. I am prepaired to never hear from you again. I think it was more for me than you anyway, haha.


p.s. I do miss high school.

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