Friday, July 21, 2006

Someone Better

This love is a diferent kind. Hes such a friend. A really good friend. And I know Im not gonna get this kind of love confussed with romance. It doesnt make me anxious or make my heart go pitter-patter.
He is the nicest most sensitive man I have ever met. I dont even know how to gather my thoughts when I try to speak of him, so I wont even try. He makes me dream. Its amazing really, I never remember my dreams for some reason or another. But ever since I met him, hes all I dream about. When I said this kind of love is different thats what I meant by it. He doesnt occupy my waking life with lovey dovey thoughts of him, but when Im asleep...

I love his voice, the way he talks, how he says "mhm" very softly when hes trying to be sexy. I love him. It happened out of nowhere. Usally I force these kinds of things. Im always on the look out for my future husband, thinking that the next man I meet could be him. John Summers caught me completely off gaurd.

One night he called me, I was watching Conan do something with hair gel and his elbow. I answered the phone in mid laugh. John was laughing too. At the same time we said "Sorry, Im watching Conan." We decided to turn our tvs off and recite our day to eachother. Some how we got onto this whole other tanget were talking about coincidence and fate. I was saying that I thought they were one in the same even though I believed in fate but not in coincidence. He was on the fence. I told him a story. It was my first semester at NIU and my roommate and I had decided to do some prank calling. We picked a random name out of the campus phone book and dialed the students number. His name was Andrew Kennedy and I will never forget him. We talked to Andrew for a total of 5 minutes before asking where he stayed on campus. He replied "Grant". Wow, we lived in Grant aswell. What were the odds that we randomly picked someone from there. However, there were four Grant Towers: A B C and D. We, my roommate and I lived on the 12th for in tower c. We asked Andrew what tower he was in. "C" he said. I was laughing by this time. I love it when things like this happen. "What floor do you live on?" We lived on the very top floor, it was an all girls playground. "Im on the 11th floor." My head was spinning. Im saying all of this to John. "Mhm", he says this occasionally.
I later found out that Andrew lived in room 1174, we were in room 1274. He was directly beneathe us. He could not have gotten any closer. I told John that the odds of me picking this mans phone number were so very slim, that I couldnt just chalk this up to coincidence. I told his this had to have meant something. "Maybe I'll marry him or something." John asked me not to say that because it would me that he didnt have a chance with me. I thought that was weird of him to say, but I said ok. At this point I dont think that I loved John. I said "OK, well if he doesnt marry me, then he'll kill me." I was joking. John is sensitive. I thought he was going to laugh. But he didnt think it was funny. I told him I was kiding. He said he knew I was. I put all jokes aside though and said that I did believe that Andrew Kennedy would be apart of my live one way or another. I said that maybe he would be my husbands best friend or something. He went quiet, I could tell he was thinking. Then he said "Hmmmm, I guess he could be my best friend, that would be weird though." I didnt laugh. John wasnt trying to be funny. There was not the tiniest hint of humor in his voice. It wouldve been a cheesy thing to say if he was joking, but both of us knew that he wasnt.

John makes me dream.

One night we were supposed to see eachother but things didnt work out. We ended up talking online. We found a way to tell eachother how we felt without coming right out and saying it. Using the "emoticons" provided by yahoo John typed "I<3 style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">
The next day we talked online again but this time with our mics. He is so witty. I love him for that. Hes always making me laugh which is weird, because guys never make me laugh. At one point we were quiet for a whole 2 minutes. I was sitting in the kitchen with the lights off. The computer monitor was turned off too and I could barely see anything. He asked me what I was thinking about. I said "Hakuna matata." He laughed and I asked him what he was thinking about. "Im thinking about what you said last night." I said "nooooo, I told you it slipped out." He said "I know, but I was thinking about how I want to say it too..."

John makes me dream.

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